This moment should mean everything + more

So, I have this un relentless struggle with women, mainly the women who I am attracted too. I went to Ybor a few weeks ago with Sean, and he tried to get me to talk some girls at The Castle, now The Castle is the local goth club in my area. Goth girls are a very select breed whom only talk to/acknowledge you, if they feel you are worth their time, or if you can wear their clothing. I can't do either. I get frustrated, and we move to Crowbar, a more open-minded club. And I meet a girl whom is a wall-flower, highly cute and 5 foot 1. Hispanic too. Lovely. She gets my phone number, as I feel if they like me, they should take the initiative. One week later, she calls! Her name is Cassie and she comes all the way from Tampa/Clearwater to pick me up. yeah, I am worth the trip! I tell her I am an aspiring cosmetologist and she wants her hair colored. I pick up the supplies, we go to her apartment, she sits on my lap every chance she gets, we make out a few times, I color her hair, we make out a few times, she sits on my lap, she washes, I wash the color off of her, she sits on my lap. She asks if Sean wants to come over, he attempts, but he gets lost in Clearwater. F U N times. Sean takes me home. I get a text message from her a few days later saying, "I can't give you the time and attention you need, I only want to be friends". . . . Wha? Seriously, what? ! ? ! ?

Now, throughout my time at my beauty school, Paramount that is, I've been trying to court a girl named Amanda, she is the bees knees! As the kids say. Amanda feels that we should only be friends, and she goes out of her way to see her friends, but not out of her way to see me. She thinks that we should attempt a "relationship" when she is out of school and when she time for it. . . Why am I in this position again! ? ! ? ! She calls me every night and tells me how she wants to see me, and I express how I want to see her, but it never works. I tell her, "Look. . . we aren't anything but acquaintances, that and voices over the phone, we never see each other so lets just stop trying to pretend." She gets mad at me and tells me that no matter what she does, I end up getting mad at her. Well Amanda, the reason I'm mad is I am tired of this situation happening all too much. That's it! It's not you, It's not me, It's just the cards I keep in the deck. . .
  • Current Mood
    indescribable indescribable

Gwad. . . where do I begin? ! ? ! It has been quite awhile, and I hope some of you remember me.

The At All Cost show was incredible, only 8 people showed up, but they made it feel like they were playing to a packed venue. They played with such force and love for the music that it made me want to be a musician again. They even took a few requests from myself and Sean. We bought t-shirts and gave them beer money, a truly amazing experience. Buy their new album, it drops in June I believe.

Well, sometime after that Sean, myself, and Sean's ex Tiffany went to The House Of Blues to see the greatest band in goth/death rock history, The Sisters Of Mercy. YES, THE FUCKING SISTERS OF MERCY! ! ! Andrew Elrich was a very humble man that night, considering he hates the goth genre and everything that's associated with his music. Sean and Tiffany just made out the whole night. We would later find out that she was pregnant(Not by Sean), and she would give up her life to an arrogant fuck-tard who sleeps around, all because Tiffany thinks she has to grow up and settle down because she got knocked up. . . Why do stupid women become dumber with the advent of children? ? ? After that fiasco Tiffany would then call Sean and say how "sad and lonely" she was and that she still loved Sean, that was a mind-fuck Sean didn't need. They made out more and Sean got a few tuggies from her out of it.

Further after that, myself and Sean saw Sick Of It All, great show, the guys were nicer than to be expected and we had an amazing time just talking to them about comic books, cartoons, and metal.

And even further after that, Sean and I were able to see the fathers of Black Metal, Celtic Frost. My living goddess, they were loud, doom-ridden, and the cold front they brought was a blessing. I was utterly speechless when they played, I went deaf and I could still hear the bellowing of the bass and drums. I felt like a caveman in the beginning of life on this Earth, and in the beginning there was Celtic Frost.

Still even further after that we saw Converge play at the State Theater, that show was quite good. Jacob still shows why he is the godfather of post-hardcore/screamo.

Just a few weeks ago myself, Sean, Dylan, and our new friend Mike saw 1349, and Natchpmystium. That was a very impressive show with Natchpmystium playing the best progressive Black Metal I've ever heard! It was like watching Rush, but if they were solemn, grim, and frostbitten.

Before I forget about music, Sean and I have a band we are trying to get off the ground we are proud of what we have so far, but we are constantly to further ourselves. We now have an engineer/producer in our friend Eric. We found Eric through Myspace and his solo project Blasphemation, we were lucky enough to see him perform a few weeks ago. He is the only one in Lakeland that plays electro-death-grind, I'm trying to get a local bar/venue called Lillian's to let him play. So, to make a longer story short we are making music and you can hear it at Myspace.com/cinnamongrave. I'd love to hear feedback or just have our profile views go up a little.


Alright, now to talk about me personally. I am now enrolled in school for cosmetology. I know, I know, I should just go ahead and admit I'm gay already. But, it's actually working out very well, I'm learning quite a bit and It's fun. Well, it's fun if you don't count the old bitter women in walkers that want perms. I have only 4-5 more months of schooling left and then I take my State Board Exam. The school os called Paramount Institute For Hair, Skin, And Nails, it's located on 98 North, so come on down if you trust me enough to cut your skulls. I am also working on getting my driver's license, I already have my learner's, but I get the real deal this tuesday! Sean is also going to school, he is going to be a massage therapist, he still has 8 more months to go, but I'm sure he'll do fine. He really scared me when he almost died from an overdose due to painkillers, and I know he really wants to be in this field, so I know it will do him some good.

Well, that's it for me. . . Thanks for reading, check my band's Myspace, and remember to tip your waitress, the 9:30 show is completely different than the 11:00 show!
  • Current Mood
    flirty Yeah, you KNOW you missed me

Thanks Marie. . . [ROLLS EYES]

So, as the only person who even skims my journal would notice. . . I've been gone! Like waa-aay-ayy gone!

The interwebs has been gone from my home for almost a year now, I've got some major things to jot down, mainly the AT ALL COST(Of Which I Made An Awesome Polo From Their T-Shirt, I'll Have Pictures +PROMISE+) show!

I'll get into everything soon. . Just not now. I'm going to bed. Shit gets serious, and I don't want to re-write it when I just off of work. . . YEEAAAHHH! I was working. Was, because I just quit today, ruining my back for $8.50 an hour may seem cool, but lugging around sofas all day is bringing me close to have to use pain medication just to get through the day. .

Loves To ALL!!

I'll be back soon,
-COLIN

....So, What Happens When Colin Over-reacts And Gets Dates Wrong???

Yeah.... So, as Sean and I were waiting around Ybor for 4 hours, getting amped for At All Cost at The Orpheum, we decided to do some shopping. Seeing as no one was in Ybor at 5 p.m., we thought it was a good idea to go through the shops and see what we didn't have time to notice when Ybor would be flooded by drunks and loose college chicks, with even looser boyfriends. We stumbled upon this shop called HEARTCORE CLOTHING. . . Yeah, it was called that! A term coined by local emo-centric band Take Heart, now has a clothing store??? Sean and I laughed, and then we proceeded to go in. It was honestly a quite awesome thrift/indie/DIY clothing store. It was literally Woodpecker Records as a clothing store, no lie. The people were great, the atmosphere was great, and the clothes were righteous beyond belief. Sean found a denim jacket for $14 and a brand new never worn t-shirt from the John Carpenter classic Prince Of Darkness!! WOW!! That was a fucking find, let me tell you! And as our shopping excursion was winding down, we went back to The Orpheum to notice that no one was there, no one. It was bare, like fat people's cabinets. This was a query... I mean a real query. Sean asked to see the tickets, in some mistake the we showed up too early, and there it was, staring me in the face and mocking me. The date read FRI. July 21. . . WHAT?!?!?!?! It's next week!!! My face and entire was covered in shame. Sean then gave me a swift kick in the ass and said, "Dude, you suck." I reminded Sean of his great deal on the denim jacket and the one-in-a-million chance at getting that Prince Of Darkness t-shirt, and all was forgiven. We retreaded back to Lakeland where we watched Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. God that movie was long. Very well made and entertaining, but loooooonnnnnnggggggg!


On Monday my boss Matt decided to call me in, not for work, but for a "talk". I was concerned, as I should have been. Matt informed me that this talk about me being written up, twice, and not for me calling on work for Friday. It turns out that Orlando, my shift-leader, had his panties in a twist over me staying an extra half-hour, after I asked him if I could stay fro the extra time. His response for this was, "Bro, you can stay and extra hour if you want!", but he wrote me up for it anyway and he even told my mother that I got off a half-hour later than what I should have. . . Perplexing! The second write-up was for, and I find this one very creative, Maliciously Trying To Figure Out His Password, So I Could Use The Register. Now, in case you don't know, as a G.S.R I can't ring out people, I can ring up a customer but not ring out a customer. After having to ask Orlando 12x for his password, I figured it out, having watching him do it 12x already. Selena, another G.S.R and I were swamped with people and Orlando had his own duties to attend to, so instead of having to yell for him evey 5 mins., I just used his code for ringing out. Nothing more. When Orlando came back, I told him and I asked him, "Is it cool that i figured it out and can I use for tonight to ring out people?" His response, "yeah, it's cool, I'll just change it tomorrow." And for these two problems I got fired. I got fired because Orlando didn't want man-up and say, "Yeah, I let Colin do those things and I'm sorry about it." . . . . . Fucking assholes! matt even told me he didn't care, but because Orlando called jeff, Matt's boss, I had to get fired!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Explain this you dick, explain this!!!

ANYWAY. . . At All Cost is tomorrow and that should be the bright spot in the week. Yes, I double-checked the tickets, the show is tomorrow. Oh, I also bought Chad's PS2 for $50, that's a deal, let me tell you! Jessica is pissed that he sold it for so cheap, but they were able to pay for cable with the $50, so we both won.

All right kids, stay righteous and I'll see you at the show!!!!
  • Current Mood
    embarrassed embarrassed

Damn.... I really don't update, do I?

First and foremost, my job is beginning to be a blast! I really love it, I do!! It's so easy and some of the idiots/clueless/retards that come in are always a riot. It's never a dull day, which I personally enjoy. It's not hard at all and just last week, I made $380.00!!!! YES, I did make that much!! I couldn't believe it! I just shit out my own brain and replaced it the cheaper margarine.... Will Colin be able to tell the difference?!?!?! I don't know, and I fuckin' don't care! I made $380.00!!!!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOO BITCH!!!!!!!

Sean and I were able to get our Alesis Micron back from Andrew. He came to Lakeland a few weeks ago, we tried to entertain him, but we ended up going to Ybor instead. We all had a blast, especially Andrew, as he's never been to Ybor before. We went back to Sean's and watched lame horror movies and we were able to have Andrew enjoy the majesty that is Waiting. If you haven't seen this movie yet, I urge you to seek it out. It's not only a "gross-out" comedy, but it's a very true and often surreal look at life in a minimum wage job and how people escape the doldrums with their own brand of escapism..... IT'S THE BAT-WING BITCH!!!!!!

I finally bought a cellular-calling-device this week. Yes, yes, Colin has now entered the new millennium. For those that are interested in knowing my celly, the number is 863-398-5408. It is a pre-paid phone, so be careful with the text messages kiddies. But, for a pre-paid device it is honestly the best deal I've seen in a while. The phone was $17.88 at Target and the phone card, for 40 minutes, was only $15. I rather enjoyed that deal, plus my phone looks pretty swanky to boot!



My grandfather died last Thursday..... That seriously sucked. I loved my G'pa. The funeral was on the 4th, which was kinda fitting, seeing as Grandpa was in the air force for 8 years. It was sad, and I felt sick.... But, I don't know. He was a pretty great man, so there shouldn't be any reason to be sad for him.



Sean and I are going to see At All Cost this Saturday at The Orpheum. The show is only $8 at the door and there is no reason why all of you shouldn't be there!! These guys are single handedly redefining metal core. You owe it to yourself to just give them a listen. http://myspace.com/atallcost. Combat Records, as I've said before, is where the reinvention is happening. These guys are ahead of the curve, get on it, or geetttt out!!!!!

I'd really like my love life, or lack there of, to sway in a direction that goes in my favor........ Oh well
  • Current Music
    AT ALL FUCKING COST

Three Weeks Sumed Up In Five Days... Yeah, I CAN Do That!!!

Day-1 I go out on a date... Yeah, an actual date with this girl/woman. Her name is Katie and from what she wanted, I'll probably never see her again. What did she want, you ask? Well, she wanted someone to treat her nicely, as her and her boyfriend of one year recently broke up....... HOORAY!!! Do you know what that means?!?!??! It means, I'm the guy that gets the pity date, because this bitch doesn't have any self confidence left and she'll show no interest in anything reflecting a relationship!!! Fucking.. Fuck.. Ho.. Bitch-ass....... whatever. I take her to dinner(and pay) and then we see X-Men 3: The Last Stand, which I find funny, as when Sean and I were leaving from this sad-bloated-budget of a film, that's when I meet Katie and asked if I could take her out. So, we leave the movie, and I realize even after the second time, I can't conceive that this film is worth anything. It still sucked and I still can't believe in the most cop-out scene in the halls of cop-outs, that they killed of Professor Xavier....... DA' HELL MAN!?!?!?!? Anyway, the car ride home is even awkward than our first encounter... G-R-R-REAT!, I ask, "When will I see you again?", her response, "Oh, just call me!"... It's been a week-and-a-half and still no response from her

Day-2 I get a call-back from Hollywood Video saying that I should come in for an interview... AWESOME!!! Well, I get the job.. And I started two days later. Talk about efficient!

Day-3 Sean and I decide to get weed.. I know, I know what you're saying, "But, but Colin, you're St8 Edg 4 LYFE!!11!11ONE!".... And my response is... GO FUCK YOURSELVES!!1111ONE!1 In a strange coincidence too, I hung out with Andrew Barrington and with his help, I procured the marijuana [niiiice] I bought some from Ian Max and we prepared for some smoking fun. I was.... happy, to say the least. To say the most, I was stoned out of my own fucking mind.. Walking was hard, quite hard.

Day-4 Sean and I go to our friend Andrew's house in Casselberry Florida. It's not too far down from Orlando and it's right next to Reynolds College, where Andrew graduated from. Andrew is interested in the industrial project that Sean and I are trying to do. It also helps that he's a DJ and knows MiDi like the liver-spots on my granddad's hand. So, before we leave, we buy another gram of Ian's purple-sticky-punch and we head to Andrew's. We bring the Micron. We arrive, break-out with the refer madness, and head Andrew's room to jam a little. He was rather impressed with the Micron and we were rather blown away with his programming and MiDi skills. We head downstairs, watch movies, smoke, watch movies, and smoke some more. At this point I realize that Grandma's Boy is the greatest fucking ever!! And sean and I quote lines from it all night, in between the bong-hits. We leave 8 hours later, and it was a goooood ride home!

Day-5 Sean and I were going to go see Hector's band play at FX Tattoo Shop.... We get tired of having to wait for 5 'effin hours for any band to play. We drive around, we find something going on at The Mad Hatter, so we wait for something to happen, nothing does, so we talk with friends and leave. I had to go to Wal-Mart and get black polo's for my new job, as I started it the day after.... I really hope I don't have to go in for a drug-test! [PRAY PRAY PARY] Sean and I get back to his house and watch movies. That night I bought Date Movie:Unrated and Fantastic Four. Date Movie is honestly a must have. But, not as much as Grandma's Boy errbody needs Grandma's Boy!!

[EDIT] I've worked for 4 days, I really hope I get paid soon... And I want my fucking name-tag!!! I want more hours, as they keep hiring people that we don't even need, it's bullshit, real bullshit! I can't complain though, it's super-super-ridiculously easy.

Sean and I have yet to get our Alesis Micron from Andrew yet, maybe next week.
  • Current Mood
    numb Stick a fork in me.. I'm done

I heard this noise and all I could think was, "Can I fuck you to this?!?"

Soooooos, my weeks been like this...... I had a job interview, an actual employment opportunity, paper work finished, and now I can't even get the fucking job because the training is in Tampa. WHAT THE FUCK CIRCLE K!!!!

Anywho, my weekend was a bit better than being shot-down for a job, AGAIN! Sean and I got to go to the industrial/fetish/club Screamers in Orlando, where we got to see Collapse ), it was quite righteous! We were able to see our friend Andrew from the Municipal Waste show at Will's Pub, interestingly enough, he too wants to start an industrial band. So, we all got to talking and we're going to to get together this weekend to chill and possible "cross streams"..... Okay, okay, there's not going to be any penis play, but there will be multi-circuiting going on! HOTT!!! What was strange was, at the beginning of the night, I thought I would at the least, get a little play from the rivettes, as I was wearing my costume from the Renaissance Festival(Speaking Of, I need To Post Those Fuckin' Pictures Soon), but sadly, I did not. There were a few sweet girls there that talked to me, and even the one in charge of spanking/whipping, was laughing at some of the jokes I pulled as she was "in the process". But other than those few, PRETENTIOUS was the name of the game and how these girls played...... FORGIVE ME FOR WEARING COLOR!!!! The most interesting part of the night was the Collapse ) performance, in which the keyboard player/tranny looked suspiciously like Danielle in 9th grade, sans the boobs of course.

Well, I'm out like Tom Cruise wished he was out.... BYEZ!!!
  • Current Music
    Horse The Band- Guess Which Song????

This Just In, Our Breaking News Team Has Just Uncovered This Information....

So, I'm not going back to see Doctor Death, regardless If I need to take blood work or not. I know what I need to do and I'm going to start exercising more often...... And I may take those pills that give fat people energy and curb their appetites.


In other news I was "fired" from my job at the BP Station. Well, I wasn't really fired as I was totally pissed off at that Korean asshole for changing prices, yelling at me after I did what he wanted and then yelling at me for not doing something else while I was doing what he yelled me to do, his inability to talk to people, but yet he yelled at me for not saying, "Hello, can I jerk you off today?" at every customer that entered the store! He had the nerve to change the price of cigarettes for some people to $2.00 when they were really $2.50 w/tax, and then he got onto my ass when the register was short......... GEEE! I wonder why it was short ?HMMMMMMM? Maybe it was the reason that you FUCKING GAVE cigarettes away at 2 bucks a pop!!!! The last I saw of him was Saturday night where he yelled at me, "I call you, when I need you, I call you!!". I haven't heard from him since, so I put about 5 applications out on Monday, yeah, I do put forth the effort to get jobs. Oh, the best part about working for the Krazy Korean, his ass would pass out after drinking in the back and when I would try to wake him, he yelled at me for not waking him up earlier........... Wha'?!?!?!??! I TRIED TO FUCKING WAKE YOU FIVE TIMES, YOU FUCKING DRUNK!!!!!
  • Current Music
    Horse The Band- Birdo (The Greatest Song In Their Library)

Great.... Now I Foresee How I'm Gonna Die

I went to see my new doctor, as orders for my new Polk County Health Care package. It's free health care if you're working and don't already have benefits. My new doctor said I'm 1/4 of an inch away from having diabetes......... I wont tell you my weight, as It's so sad, It's laughable. I'm going to end up like those greeters at Wal-Mart, unaware of just how fat they are and their inability to walk.


I take blood-work soon, the AIDs should show up at that time and render me unable to live or walk outside..... GREAT, I'm going to be a a stump that has to rolled around, and will never find love, as I'm going to give the HIV!!!! All the good things I want to happen in my life wont happen, but the ones involving me dying the most pathetic ways do!

..... I hope I only have a month to live

Sleep is good, mainly because my brain stopped not work as good as it was....

Work has been difficult.... Day 12 without a day off, uggghhh!! But, I figured I'll be making close to $1000 each month, so that rocks! There has been a mix of people coming in as of late, I've become a germaphobe now, as I have no idea what money I'm touching, or where it came from..... Not to mention which crack-whore died whilst clutching it in her hands. This week I've seen my fair share of "the cuteness" coming in, a lot of these girls have "the cuteness", I've even been fortunate enough to see some "hotness" roaming around my store. It's still no compensation for some of the people I have deal with, them and their extra chromosomes.... Yeah, Polk County is a breeding ground alright, that little mexican kid had three fucking eyes!!!!